Saturday 13 May 2017 – From Sext’s To Bext’s

Before we begin: “Bext’s”are baby texts. And “Sext’s” are… you know… 

Texts between me and Char have changed dramatically. From asking how eacother is, how work is going, what we should do at the weekend etc.  

To this (incoming is Char to me – outgoing is me to Char): 

  1. Incoming: “I’ve lost the will to live”
  2. Outgoing: “This child’s shits is the thing of nightmares!”
  3. Incoming: “I’ve been trying to go for a poo all morning!! When are you home?”
  4. Outgoing: “Can babies have tea?”
  5. Incoming: “Walked into the shop, Noah exploded his nappy and its on my leggings now!! I’m coming home!”
  6. Outgoing: “WTF this kid is bipolar, I swear!”
  7. Incoming: “My hair smells of vomit.”
  8. Outgoing: “I’ve just found a mouldy sausage roll in my good shoes!”
  9. Incoming: “Get some bleach while you’re out. Noah shit in the bath.”
  10. Outgoing: “Think I’ve got baby poo behind a nail. I can smell baby shit on my fingers but I don’t know which one it is!”
  11. Incoming: “Will we ever sleep in past 6AM ever again?”
  12. Outgoing: “Made a coffee. I’ve had that many nappy changes to do, the coffee is freezing and going mouldy ffs.”
  13. Incoming: “Amelia has shit on her neck. From her nappy to her neck – how the fuck?!?!”
  14. Outgoing: “I’ve watched Ice Age 11 times today. I may drink some bleach.”
  15. Incoming: “Mr Tumble is one annoying twat.”
  16. Outgoing: “Vomit is the only scent in this car anymore.”
  17. Incoming: “Have you seen my brain anywhere? I’m so tired I think the bastard has fallen out and fucked off to bed without me!” 
  18. Outgoing: “Adoption is still an option!”
  19. Incoming: “You’ll be happy to know that you left early for work today, because Noah has managed to smear shit up his bedroom wall and into the plug socket.”
  20. Outgoing: “I’ve just had to wipe poo off of my top lip. I don’t want to think about it too much, but I think I tasted it slightly.”

Current parents or parents-to-be, look forward to these text conversations between you and your partner!  I know they may seem exaggerated, but they aren’t (unfortunately).  

Please feel free to add yours in the comments below! 

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