“Just you wait until they’re two, my friend!”
“You don’t know you’re born! Turning two ruined my life!”
“They’re all cute and cuddly now. Then they turn two and you realise how easy it was!”
“Make the most of the smiles mate! They become possessed when they hit two!”
“Worst age ever is two to three. I’d rather join ISIS than go through that age period again.”
The statements above are genuine comments I’ve received from friends and family. Every social gathering we attend: BBQ’s, days out etc. People like to continuously re-emphasize the point of this age to be worse than meeting Satan, and him tearing off your testicles with a rusty spoon.
When we are out and one of our monsters starts an epic meltdown, they simply turn to me and say something like “That’s nothing mate. Just you wait!”
Apart from this sort of comment annoying me a little, the response also baffles me. I’m a firm believer of logic and proof, and I’d love to know how the fuck you know that my toddlers tantrums aren’t as severe as any other two year olds. If you can come to that result with no experiments or research, you shouldn’t be walking around IKEA with me, you should be curing fucking cancer.
I am a firm believer of individuality. Without it we would all be the same, and extremely boring. When you completed your final school exams, you didn’t copy your friend and become a fireman because he did. You didn’t become a hairdresser because your sister or brother did, did you? No. My point being is that we are all different. And this deviation begins the very second we enter the world, and rightly so! The only thing we should all equally enjoy is breathing oxygen!
I’m trying not to sound patronising when I say that I did fully suspect that there’d be screaming and crying on a daily basis. I did take this factor into consideration and funnily enough, I have seen other children when I’m out and about. I had a pretty good idea that children cry and have screaming fits when they want, over anything and everything.
Our monsters haven’t quite hit the big 2 yet (two months to go), but I’m confident that I have seen the worst tantrums they have to offer. Maybe I’m wrong or even naive, but only time will tell. This entire entry could be a huge karma-punch, and I may regret ever mentioning it.
And if it turns out to be that I am a huge idiot, and the infamous Terrible Twos Virus infects my little bundles of joy, I will deal with it accordingly.